mondojohnson

I don’t know why I bothered. I hated Cabin Fever and wanted to punch Eli Roth during Bravo’s “100 Scariest Movie Moments” program.

I guess I’m too easily seduced by the Quentin Tarantino endorsement. Usually, when QT puts his imprimatur on a film it’s really good (e.g. Iron Monkey and the rest of the chop-socky “new wave”). But I should have trusted my gut on this one.

There is a potent premise in this movie: international baddies pay high prices to torture young travelers to death in a bloody abbatoir. American victims fetch the highest price. And the Americans we are shown seem deserving of this treatment: “Fuckin’ Amsterdam, dude!”

The fratboy-types are lured from Amsterdam to Bratislava by the promise of abundant eastern European pussy (just using the film’s lingo, folks). The three “dudes” are mysteriously spirited away in a predictable order: first, the Icelandic clown (he mentions having a daughter, so we know what he’s in for); second, the sensitive “I’m-conflicted-about-treating-women-as-objects” guy (he seems to get over it); and finally the handsome hero (who speaks perfect German for no good reason).

The shenanigans in the torture rooms are filled with the sort of trendy, gratuitous gore and sadism we’ve come to expect in this recent batch of Hollywood horror. It fails to be scary or even slightly creepy, especially when you contrast it with films like Sin City or The Devil’s Rejects, that use over-the-top violence to great effect.

Eli Roth was supposedly inspired by Takashi Miike‘s Audition (Miike makes a cameo, in fact). Apples and Oranges. Audition uses violence sparingly, and builds its tension far more artfully than this piece of crap. [Incidentally, do not watch Bravo's "100 Scariest..." before seeing Audition. Roth spoils it and many other horror films I hadn't seen before. Bravo should have put a "spoiler alert" on that show!!]