mondojohnson

ABC’s remake of the paranoid 80′s classic “V” took the network by surprise, garnering a much huger audience than they had anticipated. There was some concern that the show wouldn’t live beyond its four filmed episodes (which concluded tonight). But now it’s poised to return in March of 2010, and since it’s a proven money-maker, I have a few free suggestions on how the producers can goose the ratings even further.

In no particular order:

1. More lizards. We only got a brief glimpse of Alan Tudyk’s lizard eye, and a peek at Morris Chestnut’s lizard forearm. If you want me to keep watching, fill the Spring season with more reptilian madness… (and feel free to go over the top with the V-human hybrid baby).

2. Live rodent consumption. You’ve probably already lost a third of your fanboy audience by not having Morena Baccarin recreate the most famous scene from the 80′s version. Gore it up; you’ve got CG on your side. Give the kiddies nightmares.

3. Film in New York City. Please. You’re insulting us; that’s clearly Vancouver. And think of the wry commentary you can make about the Disney-fied NYC — it’s increasingly resembling the Mother Ship anyway.

4. Cast Eliza Dushku and Enver Gjokaj. These two sexy and capable actors need work after the cancellation of Dollhouse, and it would give you a fresh new legion of young, horny scifi viewers.

Good luck, V. See you in March.