mondojohnson

My brother-in-law Simon took many excellent photos at my little sister’s wedding in New Orleans. Among them is a very dignified portrait of the tie I wore, which makes me feel better about the dough I shelled out at Men’s Wearhouse.

Another favorite is one of me jabbering with the exceedingly dapper Walter Neff, longtime friend of the family. He looks far more youthful and vital than I do… (I’m the careworn fellow on the left — you can identify me by the tie).

There are many more, of course, but I don’t know you well enough. Maybe another time.

I called the NOLA mayoral election almost perfectly, if I do say so myself.  (Read here).

Here is my personal scorecard for the New Orleans Mayoral Debate, just broadcast on MSNBC.  Keep in mind that I am a complete ignoramus about New Orleans politics — but I’m not going to let that stop me. I’m sure my analysis is no less valid than Chris Matthews’.

• Candidate who seems most human and therefore can’t possibly win: Virginia Boulet (D).
• Most comically evil candidate: Peggy “Pimps n’ Welfare Queens” Wilson (R, of course)
• Joe Biden Hairplug Award: Mitch Landrieu (D).  The hairplugs alone would be enough to scare me off.  His membership in a political dynasty also tingles my spidey-sense… haven’t we had enough of those?
• Boldest orator: Tom Watson (D).  Great, rousing, preacherific stylishness.  I worry about the god thang, though (where is he on gay marriage, I wonder?).
• Only candidate I’d sleep with: Incumbent C. Ray Nagin (D), of course.  He is the only politician I know of who can dance.  My money’s on him.
• And the rest (as in Gilligan’s Island): capitalist pinhead Rob Couhig (R) and Ron “geez-has-he-really-got-the-stomach-for-this” Forman (D, president of Audubon Nature Institute).

So who won?  Well, the mondojohnson scoring system ™ begins by tossing out the Republicans straight away.  I have only voted for one Republican, Bill Green (my former NYC congressman), and then only out of some youthfully idealistic notion that I was being “fair.”  Won’t get fooled again on that score.

We must then subtract the seemingly decent people (Boulet, Forman and Taylor).  As Nixon said, it ain’t beanbag — the system weeds out the non-sociopathic.

So that leaves a Landrieu v. Nagin runoff.  Nagin by a nose.

Taking all bets……

UPDATE (4/23/2006): Toldya!

As always, the Simpsons had it right:

        Long before the SuperDome,
        Where the Saints of football play,
        Lived a city that the damned called home,
        Hear their hellish roundelay…

        New Orleeeans!