mondojohnson

Here is my personal scorecard for the New Orleans Mayoral Debate, just broadcast on MSNBC.  Keep in mind that I am a complete ignoramus about New Orleans politics — but I’m not going to let that stop me. I’m sure my analysis is no less valid than Chris Matthews’.

• Candidate who seems most human and therefore can’t possibly win: Virginia Boulet (D).
• Most comically evil candidate: Peggy “Pimps n’ Welfare Queens” Wilson (R, of course)
• Joe Biden Hairplug Award: Mitch Landrieu (D).  The hairplugs alone would be enough to scare me off.  His membership in a political dynasty also tingles my spidey-sense… haven’t we had enough of those?
• Boldest orator: Tom Watson (D).  Great, rousing, preacherific stylishness.  I worry about the god thang, though (where is he on gay marriage, I wonder?).
• Only candidate I’d sleep with: Incumbent C. Ray Nagin (D), of course.  He is the only politician I know of who can dance.  My money’s on him.
• And the rest (as in Gilligan’s Island): capitalist pinhead Rob Couhig (R) and Ron “geez-has-he-really-got-the-stomach-for-this” Forman (D, president of Audubon Nature Institute).

So who won?  Well, the mondojohnson scoring system ™ begins by tossing out the Republicans straight away.  I have only voted for one Republican, Bill Green (my former NYC congressman), and then only out of some youthfully idealistic notion that I was being “fair.”  Won’t get fooled again on that score.

We must then subtract the seemingly decent people (Boulet, Forman and Taylor).  As Nixon said, it ain’t beanbag — the system weeds out the non-sociopathic.

So that leaves a Landrieu v. Nagin runoff.  Nagin by a nose.

Taking all bets……

UPDATE (4/23/2006): Toldya!